FUN!!!- Моля Без Коментари!

[DanewRomeo]

Ето нещо забавно. Да се посмеем заедно!

Част първа - YOU ARE WHAT YOU DRIVE:

Alfa Romeo 147 I live in Europe and love Italian automotive design flair and can't
afford a 156
Alfa Romeo 147 GTA
I live in Europe and love Italian automotive design flair and thank
Christ for Alfa and Italians in general who have enough (lack of?)
sense to put their biggest motor into their smallest car
Alfa Romeo 156 I live in Europe and love Italian automotive design flair, was
convinced by the dealer that Alfa is no longer a crappy Italian
marque, but still don’t mind topping off my oil every day and replacing
my engine every year
Alfa Romeo 156 GTA
I live in Europe and love Italian automotive design flair and am a
driving enthusiast who doesn’t want an S3, S4 or M3 and can’t afford
an M5
Alfa Romeo 166 I live in Europe, love Italian automotive design flair, am fairly wealthy
and don’t dig Audis or BMWs
Alfa Romeo GTV Who said FWD can’t be fun?
Alfa Romeo Spyder (classic)
I saw The Graduate and fell in love with this car, just like everyone
else who sees it.
Audi A3 I live in Europe and I’m a badge snob who can’t afford an A4 and
won’t be seen dead in a VW Golf (even though it’s the same car as
my A3)
Audi S3 I’m a driving enthusiast who likes to stray from the pack
Audi A4 I like excellent build quality and am enough of a badge snob to not
buy a 4Motion VW Passat
Audi S4 I’d buy an M3, but it’s too flashy; V8s are the wave of the future
Audi RS4 I’m very wealthy and live in Europe, but my 911 can’t haul the kids
and their stuff
Audi RS2 I’m wealthy and live in Europe, but my 911 can’t haul the kids and
their stuff and I can’t afford an RS4 because I spent it all on the RS2
years ago
Audi A6 I’m wealthy and think 5-series BMWs are for wankers who are badge
snobs
Audi RS6 Life only begins with more than 4L of displacement, 8 cylinders, twin
turbos and 444hp. And in available wagon body style too!
Audi A8 I'm wealthy and loved the movie Ronin
Audi S8 with NOS I’m wealthy and loved the movie Ronin and actually have the money and the balls to build a monster like this.
Audi TT roadster I don’t realize that I just bought a ‘sportscar’ built on the Golf/Beetle
platform
Audi TT coupe I enjoy ultra high speed oversteer resulting in serious injury or death
VW Golf if male, gay; if female, enjoys simple transportation with a European
flair (but has no idea the thing is built in Mexico)
VW Golf cabriolet if male, blatantly homosexual; if female, very cool
VW Golf Turbodiesel
I belong to the strange subsect of turbodiesel VW owners who think
that these cars are the shiznit. If you don’t own one, you wouldn’t
understand. VW FOREVAH!!
VW Golf VR6 with Vortec supercharger
You can never have enough power. Then you realize that you
actually CAN have too much power in a FWD car with no LSD, skinny
tires, marginal chassis...
VW Golf R32 I have the best Golf performance car currently in production, but have
pissed off Skyline fans by ripping off the model designation of the
original performance legend; good thing the Golf R32 is actually a
half decent car
VW Beetle see VW Golf cabriolet
VW Beetle cabriolet
see VW Golf cabriolet but even more so
VW Passat I have the common sense to know that I have just bought the build
quality of an Audi A4 but spent $6,000 less
VW Corrado I drive VW’s Ferrari wannabe; thank Christ it’s actually a good car.
Until the supercharger needs an overhaul or I reach the limitations of
the VR6’s 12v head
BMW 330 I’m a badge snob and think my untuned car is the fastest thing out
there (see also Ford Mustang)
BMW 540 see BMW 330, but with more wealth
BMW 750 I’m filthy rich and this car shows it; soon I will crash it as I play with
that idiotic i-Drive thingy trying to get my CD player to work
BMW 850 I’m disgustingly rich, but I’m also stuck in the early ‘90s OR the only
way I could afford this car was to buy it from the wreckers after it had
been totaled - yes, there are SUPPOSED to be 1" hood and door
gaps!
BMW Z3 see BMW 330
BMW M3 (E30) I’m a driving enthusiast; happiness is in the corners
BMW 325 (E30) with E36 engine swap
I’m a driving enthusiast, but a) my father pays for everything,
including the $15,000 engine swap; b) I can’t really drive and the car
really isn’t that quick but c) I still tell everyone that it runs low 13s and
out-corners track prepped M3s, d) I’m stupid enough to put road race brake pads on stock rotors; found out the hard way after the rotors got
chewed up after 2 weeks of driving on the street and e) I think that
ultra stiff race suspension actually works on the street.
BMW M3 (E36) I’m a poser driving enthusiast, and don’t realize that my car is a tarted
up piece of junk 325
BMW E36 318 4-door with M badges but no 318 badges
I’m a complete poser wanker who attends import car shows and looks
down my nose at ‘all the ricers in their Honda Civics’
BMW M3 (E46) I’m a driving enthusiast who can’t afford a 911; SMG is cool, but my
engine might blow up even though it was hand built.
BMW M5 I’m a really wealthy driving enthusiast OR I’m a doctor / personal
injury lawyer / own my own pharmaceuticals company and we just
went public
BMW M roadster I’m in desperate need of sex from my 50+ year old wife. And I like
power oversteer.
BMW M coupe see BMW M roadster, but also have no taste in automotive design
Jaguar X-Type Despite the car’s humble underpinings, at least it looks like a Jag! I
like my driving with a bit more luxury and don’t want a generic
German sedan.
Jaguar S-Stype I am wealthy, and don’t want a BMW 5-series.
Jaguar S-Stype R I am wealthy, like to go fast and don’t want an M5.
Jaguar XJ series I am really wealthy.
Jaguar XJR I am really wealthy and like to go fast.
Jaguar XK8 I am really wealthy but want to believe I’m younger.
Jaguar XKR I am really wealthy but want to believe I’m younger and like to go fast.
Mercedes C-Class I’m a badge snob and love that my Mercedes cost only $50,000.
Mercedes C-Class coupe
I’m a younger badge snob who just bought my first Mercedes and
think it’s the shiznit (but it is, so that’s okay).
Mercedes SLK I’m a 50+ year old woman OR I think I own a true sportscar but Honda
Civics drive circles around me
Mercedes CLK I like German coupes but can’t drive stick.
Mercedes E-Class I’m a wanker who couldn’t afford an E-Class unless my mother died
and my inheritance paid for it.
Mercedes S-Class I’m really, really wealthy. You don’t understand just how wealthy - my
summer car is a Ferrari 456GTA; the S-Class is a winter beater/family
car; my dogs ride in the back on the hides of numerous dead cows.
Mercedes SL I’m really, really wealthy but can’t bear to be seen in a sedan, so I try
to feel younger in this big coupe/convertible or whatever the hell it is,
but it doesn’t work because only old men drive these things anyway.
AMG C43 I'm a driving enthusiast but can't drive stick. Does that mean I'm not
a true driving enthusiast?

[VFTI]

http://vbox7.com/play:4d97fb09
разбиващ хумор компилация


http://vbox7.com/play:5bd04c7a
скрита камера водно легло


http://vbox7.com/play:6743c244
скрита камера -звяра идва..

http://vbox7.com/play:ab1d1f2d
скрита камера- извънземни в дамска тоалетна

http://vbox7.com/play:266c212f
Пай в лицето..смешно

http://vbox7.com/play:84cf61e5
яппонска скрита камера..спящи хора..

Слави Трифонов гафове-- http://vbox7.com/play:9af9af93

[galinves71]

http://vbox7.com/play:890ff5b5

[DanewRomeo]

YOU ARE WHAT YOU DRIVE - Част втора

AMG SL55 with tuned exhaust and flashing lights on the roof
I actually don’t own this car (the FIA does) as I'm a washed up racing
driver with no ride this season so I get to drive this "safety car" around
all of the world’s race tracks during Formula One races; only the
crowd gets to know how awesome it sounds because of all the sound
deadening material in the car
Any Brabus tuned Mercedes
I have more money than sense, and my car's mods cost more than
most people's homes, but at least it has big brakes to compensate for
that big block Benz under the hood.
Saab 99 This is my rally car that I beat the shit out of on the stages every other
weekend OR I’m a poor university student who lives in New England
or the Pacific Northwest
Saab 900 Turbo (79-93)
I own the most intelligent car ever built
Saab 900 Turbo (79-93) convertible
I own the most intelligent convertible ever built
Saab 900 SPG I’m a driving enthusiast who enjoys performance with subtle good
looks
Saab 900 SPG on SDS stand alone engine management
See Saab 900 SPG but add eating BMWs for breakfast, Ford
Mustangs for lunch (but the M5 eats me for dinner). My car has put
me on the verge of bankruptcy, but I have loved every minute of it. I
like to wrench and know every single part of my car because I’ve
dismantled it and put it all back together again. I’d buy an LSD but no
one makes one (and I can’t afford it anyway). I respect torque steer.
And never, ever, ever mention the holeshot!
Saab 9000 Turbo I own the second most intelligent car ever built.
Saab 9000 Aero See Saab 900 SPG, but with more wealth
Saab 900/9-3 (’94-’02)
I don’t give a shit about badge snobbery, enjoy driving but need build
quality, utility and sportiness in my car. Unfortunately, my car is
actually build upon a crappy late ’80s Vauxhall/Opel platform that GM
foisted on Saab when the General bought into the little Swedish
carmaker in ’89. Thank Christ for Swedish engineering which has
overcome most, but not all, of the shortcomings of the General’s
engineering.
Saab 9-3 Viggen I like torque steer and respect a car that can spin its wheels at 80mph
and think LSDs are for pussies. Too bad it’s that same damned
Vauxhall/Opel chassis...
Saab 9-3 convertible
I want a safe convertible
Saab 9-3 Sport Sedan (’03+)
Finally the chassis that Saab should have had for the past 10 years.
Still built in collaboration with the General, but damn, it’s good this
time. I don’t give a shit about badge snobbery, enjoy driving, but
need build quality, utility and sportiness in my car. Too bad Saab
sold out to the establishment and didn’t come out with a hatchback;
never mind though, I’ve never owned a Saab before anyway and don’t
even know what a hatchback is.
Saab 9-5 see Saab 9-3 but with more wealth
Saab 9-5 Aero I eat BMW 5 series for breakfast and Audi A6s for lunch (but the M5
eats me for dinner)
Volvo 240 I’m a poor university student or professor
Volvo 850 I’m the poor university student’s mother
Volvo C70 I’m the wealthy university student from Hong Kong
Volvo 240 or 740 with Chevy small block or Ford 5.0 engine conversion
I like to wrench. I never wanted to drive my Volvo in the winter
anyway.
Volvo S40 I can’t afford a V70.
Volvo V70 “You know I used to be a really bad girl, I had a threesome with my
sister and her boyfriend Tom, but now, I am a Volvo driving soccer
mom!!”
Peugeot 205 I live in Europe and own the best ‘80s and ‘90s iteration of the hot
hatch
Peugeot 206 I aspire to be Marcus Gronholm
Peugeot 306 Rallye I live in Europe, am a driving enthusiast and love that you can
buy a stripper performance car with 6 speed transmission,
manual windows, no AC. And I’m poor.
Peugeot 106 Rallye See Peugeot 306 Rallye, but add really poor.
Peugeot 406 coupe I love that my car is styled by Pininfarina
Renault Clio V6 I’m a driving enthusiast that enjoys power oversteer and manic mid
engined handling
Renault Clio 172 I’m a driving enthusiast with enough sense not to buy the Clio V6
Lancia Delta Integrale
I love rally cars. That’s why I own a homologation special street car.
McLaren F1 GTR I have enough money to buy my own island, but I got this instead. I
also have a carbon fibre fetish. I used to be a drummer in a band
called Pink Floyd.
Pagani Zonda I am very wealthy and a driving enthusiast, but am not a badge snob.
Pagani Zonda Roadster
I am very wealthy and a driving enthusiast and now I can piss all over
Ferrari 550 Barchettas and 360 Spyders.
Lamborghini Countach
I own the original automotive phallic symbol. I like European
horsepower and don’t give a shit about handling.
Lamborghini Diablo
I own an even bigger automotive phallic symbol. I don’t care about
build quality, because when that V12 wails past 7000RPM right
behind my head, I am in heaven.
Lamborghini Murcielago
I am very wealthy but still can’t properly pronounce my car’s name.
Ferrari F355 I’m a wealthy driving enthusiast who loves the wail of a 5v head
screaming its head off OR I’m a poncy European git with lots of
money but bought the F355 several years back.
Ferrari F355 Spyder
See F355 but add that I live in a sunny place (like the south of France)
Ferrari F360 See Ferrari F355 but add that I have lots and lots of money and just
bought the F360 even though it’s butt ugly. And can’t understand the
passion and emotion that is lost from the F355.
Ferrari F360 Spyder
See Ferrari F355 Spyder
Ferrari F360 Challenge Stradale
I am trying to rule the world in a normally aspirated way like the
Porsche 996 GT3; even though my car is even more hardcore than
the GT3 (plexi side windows?!?) it costs twice as much as the GT3.
Ferrari 550/575 I am wealthy and love Italy and its cars. V12s were meant to be at
least 5.0L in displacement, put out 500hp and in the front of a car,
under a long, long hood.
Ferrari F40 I am incredibly wealthy and am a Ferrari enthusiast. Little do I realize
that Ferrari slapped this car together in a matter of months to combat
Porsche’s 959 - and that’s why those welds and panel gaps are so
shitty.
Ferrari F50 I am incredibly, incredibly wealthy and am a Ferrari enthusiast
through and through (otherwise they wouldn’t have let me buy one)
Ferrari Enzo see Ferrari F50, but add that I will gladly accept anything styled by
Pininfarina even though it looks like my ass.
Ferrari 456 I am a driving enthusiast but like my creature comforts too. Like I give
a shit that to do a u-turn requires an 8-point turn.
Ferrari GTO I am wealthy enough to buy just about anything I want in the world,
and now I have Pininfarina's most beautiful creation. Ever.
Ferrari 250 California Spider (SWB)
Bueller. Ferris Bueller. I drive the most beautiful convertible built.
Ever. Pininfarina is God.
Porsche Boxster I think my car is the shiznit because it's a Porsche. Good thing it's an
excellent chassis, but I can't drive worth shit.

[pacho_kardana]

http://www.vbox7.com/play:4694acf4

[pacho_kardana]

http://www.vbox7.com/collection:466158

[DanewRomeo]

Много съм се разписал днес. И само празни приказки. Ето защо пускам нова част от:

YOU ARE WHAT YOU DRIVE:

Porsche Boxster S I'm a driving enthusiast, but don't care for the M3 and can't afford a911.
Porsche 911 Carrera 2 (996)
I'm a hardcore driving enthusiast OR I'm a badge snob who CAN afford a 911.
Porsche 911 Turbo (993 or 996)
I'm a very wealthy driving enthusiast and know that while my car costs less than a Ferrari F360, it can still drive circles around anything from Maranello.
Porsche 911 Carrera 4S (993 or 996)
I'm the Porsche equivalent of the riceboy and want everyone to THINK I own a Turbo.
Porsche 911 GT2 (993)
I rule the world.
Porsche 911 GT3 (996)
I rule the world in a normally aspirated sort of way.
Porsche 911 GT1 I have more money than Bangladesh.
Porsche 959 I ruled the world in the mid 80s.
1978 Porsche 924 I tell everyone that I own a Porsche, but don't mention that it belongs to my father, is beige, has the nastiest wheels ever, and was a collaboration between VW and Porsche.
Porsche 944 I can't afford a new Porsche, but this one's still pretty damn good.
They don't make 'em like they used to!
Porsche 928 I love my car's combination of Mustang type torque and Porsche
handling and build quality. Porsche 550 Speedster
Holy - Shmoly.
Lotus Elise I own what may be the finest, purest and most affordable expression of sportscar
Lotus Elise, imported into the US by Sun International, with Acura Type-R engine swap
What may be the finest, purest and most affordable expression of sportscar is not imported to the US, unless you buy one modified witha Type-R engine. I have lots of money.
Lotus Exige I own a mini McLaren F1.
Lotus 340R I'm a sadist for harsh rides and wet weather driving; doors and roofsare for pussies. I like to turn heads when I drive.
Lotus Espirit Although my car was originally designed in the 70s, it's been ever
refined and is oh so sublime.
Lotus Elan I own what may have been the ultimate all round sportscar from the 1960s.
Aston Martin Vanquish
I have lots of money; this car costs more than most large houses in Britain; whenever I stomp on the throttle and hear that V12 wail, I immediately forget the el-cheapo Ford parts bin switchgear.
Aston Martin DB7 James Bond should have driven this car. Good thing he didn't coz the
engine under the hood is a dog's breakfast.
Aston Martin DB7 Vantage
Forget James Bond, this is what the DB7 should have been always.
Aston Martin AMV8 Vantage
Porsche 911? Who needs a 911 when you can have this Aston
anything made by TVR
My car looks just fuggin' awesome because TVR takes no prisoners with styling - interior or exterior - and when I nail the throttle, I know what being alive is like. Don't talk to me about driving in the rain though.
Austin Mini Cooper The original Italian Job car; old school style and handling.
MINI Cooper S (by BMW)
I'm a badge snob and just HAVE to have the latest things. Nevermind that my British icon of a car is built by Germans and powered by a Brazilian made engine. The only saving grace is that the chassis is excellent.
Smart - I live in a congested European or Asian city and revel in the ease of parking this cute little car.
Brabus Smart See Smart, but with too much money and sense. I STILL only have 70hp!!
Have owned or driven all of the European exotics above

Subaru Legacy This is my rally car that I beat the shit out of on the stages every other
weekend OR I live a boring life. On a farm. In Alberta. But want to drive something different anyway, and enjoy the build quality (and strength!) of a tractor.
Subaru Impreza 2.5RS (GC)
I'm a driving enthusiast with a special North American spec motor formy chassis, but am frustrated that it only came with 165hp. To make up for it, I have either a) added a $6,000 turbo kit or b) made up for the lack of horsepower by adding JDM bodykit and wings or c) will soon trade in for a WRX
Subaru Impreza WRX (GC)
I live in Europe or Japan, am a driving enthusiast and revel in the stupid power through all four wheels of this little car and drive circles around BMWs.

[Коки]

Вървял си Зайо Байо из гората и изведнъж от един дълбок трап дочува викове: „Помощ, помощ, помогнете, паднах и не мога да изляза”.

Надвесил се Зайо Байо и гледа слончето седи тъжно на дъното. Добре че, Зайо Байо карал супер яко БМВ - метнал той едно въже на слончето, вързал го за супер якото си БМВ и успял да го изтегли.

На следващия ден слончето, както се разхождало из гората и дочуло викове: „Помощ, помощ, помогнете, паднах и не мога да изляза”.

Гледа той- в същия трап паднал Зайо Байо и седи безпомощен на дъното. Решило слончето да му помогне- хванал си оная работа и я развинтил надолу по трапа. Зайо Байо се хванало за нея и слончето го изтеглил.

Какъв е извода? – ако оная ти работа е достатъчно голяма, нямаш нужда от БМВ

[Neokill]

Обява във вестника:
Продавам 3 къщи - сламена, дървена, и тухлена. Бонус 150 кила свинско. Подпис: Кумчо Вълчо

[Mapтo]

Обява във вестник:
"Жена на 33 год. съм, търся мъж , на който да му готвя,
да му пера и гладя дрехите, и да ме Е*е по 3 пъти на ден"
Тел. 02/888000987 Минка

[Коки]

Обява във вестник:
"Жена на 33 год. съм, търся мъж , на който да му готвя,
да му пера и гладя дрехите, и да ме Е*е по 3 пъти на ден"
Тел. 02/888000987 Минка

Абе пробвах да звънна на тая Минка, ама номерът май е грешен

[nblagoev]

1)Ти може и да не забележиш, че всичко ти върви добре, но данъчните ще те подсетят.

2)Ако си сменят местата националния отбор по футбол и правителството, абсолютно нищо няма да се промени нито във футбола, нито в икономиката ни...

3)Гледах MTV. Много мислих... Ако Майкъл Джексън с годините става по-бял, ще почернее ли Еминем като остарее?

4)В шоу-бизнеса има много начини да се пробие, но жените имат един повече.

5)Нелегалните емигранти винаги са били проблем в Америка. Не вярвате? Питайте който и да е индианец.

6)Всички партии се стремят към властта, считайки, че точно тяхното крадене е най-справедливо.

7)По-добре да седиш в малка задимена кръчма, отколкото на работа в голям светъл завод.

8 )Не мога да стоя, когато всички работят...ще отида да си полегна...

9)Жените могат да симулират оргазъм, но мъжете могат да симулират цяла любовна връзка!!!

10 )Знаеш ли каква е разликата межди хладилника и тоалетната? Не знаеш? Тогава няма да те каня на гости!

11)Най-важното качество на чиновника - това е неговата неподкупност, и се измерва в долари.

12)Вчера направих предложение на моето момиче. Тя е в седмия месец от щастие.

13)Гледайки те, изникват два въпроса - къде е заминал цирка и защо са те оставили..

14)Търпението е силно оръжие, но понякога съжаляваш, че не е огнестрелно...

15)Интересно, ако при някой мъж дойде някоя красавица и му каже, че ще му изпълни две желания, то какво ли ще му бъде второто желание?

16)Вратовръзката - указател, откъде трябва да се започне!

17)Ревност - това е подозрението, че изневеярваш не само ти, но и на теб.

18 )Няма грозни мъже, има социалнослаби!

19)Често в детството ми ме караха да стоя в ъгъла...в горния ляв.

20)Съвет от КАТ: Не можеш ли да караш, не си купувай книжка!

21)Здравейте, моя мобилна компания! Стига сте ми помагали да общувам свободно, да движа света, да участвам във все по-нови и нови промоции. Сваляйте цените, негодници!

22)Отивам на работа и не мога да влезна в интернет. Наложи се да работя...

23)Опитът позволява на човека, когато направи грешка да каже: "Знаех си!"

24)Европейците винаги са се стремили да опознаят удоволствията и материалните блага. Сега те имат много материални блага. Китайците винаги са се стремили да опознаят човека. Сега имат много китайци.

25)Имам два въпроса - колко струва, и защо толкова скъпо?

26)Който заспива с мисълта за секс в главата, се събужда с решение в ръката...

27)Не може да очакваме милост от природата след това, коеото сме направили с нея.

28 )Мъжете нямаше да лъжат толкова, ако жените не питаха толкова много.

29)Празник на наркомана: Ден на независимостта от зависимостта.

30)Компромис между науката и религията: Човек е произлязъл от маймуната, която Бог е създал по свой образ и подобие.

31)Очите на лъжата са големи, но на запека още по - големи

32)о са те изписали от лудницата - това още не значи, че са те излекували... Просто си станал, като всички!

33)Среща с нас може коренно да промени живота Ви. Данъчна полиция

34)Кажете НЕ на наркотиците. Това ще намали цената им.

35)Глистите живееха весело и щастливо, докато не им казаха КЪДЕ!

36)Знания по полов път не се предават, но да се изкара оценка е напълно възможно.

37)След десетдневно забавяне и цикъла е празник!

38 )Реших да живея вечно. Засега всичко върви добре.

39)Да се караш с началника си е все едно да се бориш в прасе в кочина : понякоя време забелязваш, че целия си в кал, докато прасето си прави кефа.

40)Животът на Земята е доста скъп, но включва безплатна обиколка около Слънцето всяка година.

41)Даже и да ви изядат, пак имате два изхода.

42)Създаването на зони за пушачи и непушачи в заведенията звучи, като зони за пикaещи и непикаещи в басейна.

43)Ако съдбата ти е обърнала гръб, просто изчакай докато се наведе...

44)Защо в хладилник с вместимост 160 литра се събират само 68 бутилки бира?

45)Зимно правило номер едно: Не лапайте снежинки докато не се убедите че всички птички са отлетели на юг.

46)Течност потопена в тяло след седем години тръгва на училище.

47)Най-шантавото е когато овцата снесе яйце, от което се излюпи крава с говорен дефект.

48 )През 60-десетте години беше супер - sex, drugs & rock?n?roll, а сега? suxx, bugs & plug'n'play...

49)Не ме е страх да посрещна петък 13-ти, страх ме да не се случи нещо, че да не посрещна събота 14-ти...

50)" Това, което не ни убива ни прави по-силни" - повтаряше си наркомана, увеличавайки своята дозата.

[leo]

Колко души от вашата зодия са нужни, за да се смени крушка?

* Овен: "Само един. При това може да смени не само крушката!!!"
* Телец: "Предпочитам естествена светлина. И абсолютно сигурни ли сте, че старата крушка е изгоряла? Мразя да хвърлям неща, които биха могли да са полезни!"
* Близнаци: "Един вероятно е най-добрият вариант, защото ако са повече от един, ще се отплеснат в разговори и напълно ще забравят за крушката..."
* Рак: "Четирима. Един рак и трима психотерапевти, които да помогнат за мъчителния процес на смяната"
* Лъв: "Истинските лъвове не сменят крушки! Истинските лъвове намират някой друг да направи това вместо тях."
* Дева: "Точно 1,655221 души в средностатистическия случай"
* Везни: "Добре, де, ще го направя... освен ако ти не си така добър да го свършиш вместо мен, но явно си много зает в момента.... тъй че ще го направя... И все пак, не искаш ли ти да го свършиш?"
* Скорпион: "Нито един. Скорпионите не ги е страх от тъмнината!"
* Стрелец: "Айде стига, бе! Я погледни навън... Слънцето грее, птичките пеят, животът е пред нас, а ти се шашкаш за някаква глупава крушка?!?!?!"
* Козирог: "Нямам време за глупости."
* Водолей: "Виж сега, енергията е материя, а дали материята е енергия още не е доказано, но със сигурност светлината е форма на енергия и тъй като електрическата крушка е материя...."
* Риби: "Каква крушка?"

[nikolova05]

Модерна циганка-гледачка към минаваща девойка:

"Алооуу, чаровницееей, спри са да ти казвам, имйел шъ пулучиш! Голем късмет та чака, добър пръвайдър ша намериш! Един юзър много хубави неща ти мисли. Все та причаква в кюто, ама ти много са крийш, ма! Пусни му на чиляка... оторизейшън, стига си го мъчила с тоз рикуест! Той много та аресва, иска да та джазка виртуално. Я дай левътъ ръкъ да вида по-добре. Ауу, малка ръчичка имаш, ама голем джойстик си фанала! Въх, много си играйш със скролера на мишката, палавницееей. Немаш ли с кво друго да си играйш, ма? Тука виждам голем трафик от един сайт с много хиксчета. Ама си ъпдейтвай aнтивирусната и файъруола да н'си наджипкаш компа с виртуални въшки. Дай ся пет лева и Господ да та пази барабар със софтуера и хардуера! Къде тръгна, ма? Шъ та кълна, да знайш! Да ти са напълни компа с вируси дано! Виндовса да ти висне кът гъза на прабаба ми! Ре-инстол секи ден да прайш и от бъгове да н'съ отървеш! Да ти го нахакат здраво в айпито! Имйела със спам да ти затрупат! Само грозни аватари да намираш! Кюто ти да са скапе и хистърито да ти са затрий! Сичките си пароли да забраиш и да ти спрат акаунтите!"

[pent]

Събудил се мечо след зимен сън и съответно му се е@е та две не вижда.
Обикаля из гората и търси нещо живо. Намерил ежко, хванал го, върти и го
оглежда.
- Абе ти п@тка имаш ли?
Ежко се успокоил: - Ми не.
- А от къде каза не?